Spain won the World Cup today with a 1-0 victory in extra time.  That’s great news, because now we can finally stop pretending that we care about soccer.

Here are a few reasons why soccer is an awful sport:

-Too little scoring.  Is it really fun to watch a 1-0 soccer game?  No.  Because that means for nearly 90 minutes, all you are watching is people kick a ball back and forth.  Is there strategy involved?  Sure.  But really, who wants to study the sport long enough to enjoy a 1-0 game.  Not me.

-Diving.  Soccer is played on an enormous field with just a couple of referees.  What does this mean?  Players are diving all the time, and the acting is usually atrocious.  But from a distance, dives sometimes look legit, and they do often end up impacting a game.  How is this a sport again?

-Awful Calls.  Aside from diving, the refs are so spread out that they often don’t have a good angle for a call.  A clear goal by the UK wasn’t counted, simply because a ref didn’t see it.  Now, mistakes happen in all sports, but when you have a sport with so few scores, you should get them right.  Even when a goal is scored, you kind of wait to see if a ref is going to make some BS call to disallow it.  Like that guy Koman Coulibaly, who incidentally has an interesting blog here.

-No instant replay.  I never get why sports refuse to use instant replay.  Sure, it’s traditional not to use instant replay, but it’s also traditional for only 20,000 fans to see your sport live, while the rest of the world hears about scores a day later in the newspaper.  But with 24/7 live TV and the Internet, holding on to tradition doesn’t make sense.  The worst part is that eventually every sport will use instant replay, but the tipping point will be a blown call at a critical moment that will most likely rob a player of an important score or something.  Why not just use instant replay now?

-Traditions.  Speaking of traditions, why are there so many retarded traditions with soccer?  Do we really have to listen to 90 minutes of vuvuzelas?  Is this why I paid extra for an HD TV with surround sound?

And why is rape such a big problem in Africa?  It seems like the vuvuzelas would make a great whistle.  But it doesn’t.  Why?  Because too many assholes are playing the vuvuzelas during soccer games, so you just get used to the sound.  Dumb.

-Celebrations.  TJFKAK recently mentioned that she thought the horn after Flyers goals was too long.  How about the five minute orgy that follows every soccer goal?  Not to mention the asshole announcers that make a name for themselves by yelling “gggooooaaaalll” as long as possible.  I get that there aren’t a lot of goals in soccer, but that doesn’t give you a license to lose all sense of sportsmanship and class and slide across the field on your belly.

-Extra time.  JUST SAY HOW MUCH TIME IS LEFT ON THE FUCKING SCOREBOARD.  Why do we have to guess?  Really, is that so hard?  Why don’t the refs not tell us which goals have been counted either.  That would make things reaaaallly exciting.

-US loses to Ghana.  I don’t mean to seem pompous, but the US is a really big and rich country.  How can we lose to Ghana?  I’ll tell you how:

-Our best athletes don’t give a shit about soccer.  Why didn’t LeBron make an hour long announcement of what soccer team he’s going to play for?  Because America’s best athletes don’t play soccer.  There’s no money in the sport, at least in the US, not to mention it’s inaccessible to many kids.  American kids play basketball or football or baseball, which means the remaining athletes are likely choosing between lacrosse and soccer.  That’s why we lose to teams from small African nations.  Is that fun to watch?  No.  That’s why handicapped basketball hasn’t become a big sport in the US either.

-We have better sports.  Why is soccer so popular?  Because it’s cheap.  All you need is a ball.  That’s why it’s popular in places like Ghana.  But in the US, we don’t need these cheap sports.  We’re able to afford bats, helmets, shoulder pads, Air Jordans and all three parts of the Gatorade G series.  We have better sports, lets care about those.

Either way, the world cup is over today, so we can stop talking about it, stop discussing soccer like we know anything about the sport’s strategy, and stop pretending like we care about the US team.

I went to the Apple store last night to camp out for the iPhone.  Since I was there about eight hours before the store opened at 7am, I thought I would probably be maybe 30 people away from the door.

Nope.

When I got there, there were already a couple hundred people in front of me.  Not only that, the line extended outside of the mall, so I spent the night in 50 degree weather on my beach chair.

Luckily, my iPad’s battery lasted through the whole night, so I was able to pass the time with movies.  It was cold as fuck, though, and I wasn’t dressed for the cold since I expected to be inside.

So was it worth it?

Well, by the time the line started moving there were over a thousand people in line.  The line literally extended farther than I can see, and wrapped around the whole side of the Valley Fair mall in Santa Clara.  And Valley Fair is the biggest mall in the Bay Area.

At around 6am, the Apple people split the line into two separate lines – preorders and non-preorders.  There were about 800 people or so in the preorder line, with maybe 400 in the non-preorder line.

Once the Apple store opened at 7, the preorder line moved at about 10 people per every 10-15 minutes.  Not bad.

But the non-preorder line was not moving at all.  When I went outside of the mall, the same people that were there when I entered were in the same place in line.  I wouldn’t be surprised if there is rioting soon.

To their credit, the Apple people were super friendly and they passed out waters and granola bars.  Starbucks also chipped in with free coffee and pastries.  They also did a run through of the line prior to the store opening.  You can see all the Apple workers below in the blue shirts.

Overall, the whole experience was crazy, and definitely you should do at least once.  The mood was pretty cool overnight, although you are kind of forced to listen to all these people talk and go on and on.

I got a couple hours of sleep, but overall spent most of the night catching up on movies and tv shows.

As for the iPhone 4 itself, the screen does look pretty incredible.  It’s very crisp – hard to describe in words, but overall very impressive.  The screen is a bit small though, especially after using the EVO 4G for a few weeks.

The phone is pretty snappy, and the 1GHz processor makes a big difference.  I haven’t had a good chance to try out many apps, though.

Someone get this cro-magnon fuckwad out of the picture.

You gotta watch the whole clip below, then make your judgment, but something fishy is clearly going on here.  Alvin Green, above right, recently won the Democratic Senate seat from Vic Rawl, above left.  Greene is unemployed, and he’s also been arrested for felony obscenity.

So what’s the controversy?  How did Green pay for the $10,000 filing fee to run for the Senate seat in the first place?  He doesn’t list any donors, and if you look at the video below you can tell that the isn’t well suited for the job.

The accusation is that South Carolina Republicans are planting black democratic senate nominees to compete against white incumbents.  South Carolina is almost 30% black, and most of the blacks are democrats.  The theory is that republicans are giving unqualified blacks the money to run against white incumbents, and if they win, giving republican candidates an easier fight for the senate seat.

I have to say, if those accusations are true, it’s a pretty brilliant strategy.  However, since all donations have to be declared, the strategy is illegal since Greene didn’t list how he got the $10k filing fee.

Anyway, check out the video below – it’s fascinating.

You know how people would watch Lost every week and then talk about the hidden symbolism in each episode, and hypothesize on what was going to happen next week.  Yeah, well those people are assholes, and you are too if you wasted six years watching this series.

The Lost series finale was last night, and the only mystery that was solved is yes, the show’s writers have been stringing you along for the past six seasons.  Here are some of my biggest gripes with the finale, and the series in general:

Unanswered Questions

The Lost formula is pretty clear at this point.  Introduce a mystery, then partially solve that mystery with another mystery.  That worked pretty well for the series, until it was time to wrap things up.  What the finale proved is many of the plotlines between the finale and like episode 7 were really just filler.

The Others, the Dharma folks, Rousseau…they were all just ways to extend the show into another season, and add new characters to replace characters that got too many DUIs in HI.  None of these things really came into play in the finale, nor did they have any purpose that contributed to the big revelations in the final season.

The Island itself

Is it just me, or was the purpose of the island never really explained?  I mean, yes, I get that the island was the cork to keep out the evil, but why?  I mean, at least pull a Stargate and tell me that aliens came here ages ago and stuck the island in the middle of a couple of dimensions in order to keep out the smoke monster.  Something.  As is, we’re really just supposed to accept that this island is there to cork out the evil.  That seems like lazy writing to me.

Rules

The island had a lot of rules.  Like, you couldn’t hurt bad Locke, unless you pulled the rock out of the light hole.  Jacob’s evil brother couldn’t kill him, unless a dead body in a plane crashed on the island.

Why were these rules there?  No explanation.  Again, lazy writing.  I would estimate that 75% of the plots in Lost in some way involved a random rule that was not explained at all.

If I was Jacob, I would just make a rule that all the girls on the island have to blow me.  Step right up Kate.  Claire, you too…I don’t mind the belly.  Woah, not so fast Rose, I just read the fine print and this rule doesn’t apply to you.

I mean, I appreciate the imagination of the writers, but really it seems like all of these rules were just constructed to force in new plotlines.  That’s why there were so few answers in the finale – there wasn’t any rhyme or reason to the rules to begin with.

No one explains anything.  Ever.

Have you ever noticed that most of the characters on Lost spend their time working on random tasks that have no real justification.  Like, one character would say we have to do such and such.  The someone would ask ‘why?’.  And the response would be something like, ‘I just have a feeling.’

Like, why can’t Jacob just explain to Jack that he has to get Desmond to pull the rock out of the hole, and that will make Locke vulnerable to attack, so you have to kill him quickly.  Then, you cool – have a nice life.

Instead, Jacob has a random rule where he can only exists as long as some fire burns, and apparently no one can add wood to the fire, so you only have a few minutes.  And in that limited time, he doesn’t really try to explain anything.  He’s just like, someone has to take over the Island and protect the light hole.  Do you have a cup?

Well, sure, if you put it that way, let me volunteer.

Really?  People get paid to write that?  Didn’t these writers go to Harvard or something?

Why are these people on the fucking island to begin with?

So, Jacob has been planning to bring the Lost cast to the island for some time, even going as far as to interact with the main characters when they were young.  But why?  Was he just bored?  Did he want to go off and do other things?

It’s not like the Lost crew were better equipped to protect the island.  In fact, the only reason Jacob was killed was because he brought all these people to the island.

Why didn’t he just sit back and enjoy living in the big foot?  His brother couldn’t kill him.  The only way his brother could hurt him is if new people came to the island.  And Jacob is the one who brought people to the island and thus endangered the whole world.  How does that make sense at all?

The character’s enlightenment

From what I understand, the enlightenment of the main characters was…well…the reason the whole show happened.  But here’s the problem:  I don’t fucking care about these people.

A successful doctor has problems with his recently deceased father?  Waaah.  A Korean husband learns not to be a dick to his wife?  That’s one down, five hundred million to go.  An aging rock star learns that heroin is bad?  I think we could make a better series from that plot.

I mean really, would this show have lasted a season if it was pitched as ‘people stranded on a remote island find themselves.’  No fucking way!

The Finale

All of these points lead up to the finale, which was utterly disappointing.  60% of the finale was dedicated to the Lost cast meeting with each other in the sideways world and remembering the island.  Yeah, I get it.  Everyone remembers.  That could have taken 10 minutes, instead it consumed over an hour.

The destruction of the island was ridiculous too. 

Locke:  I’m going to destroy the island by getting Desmond to take this rock out of the light hole.

Jack:  Ok, well I’m just going to put the rock back in the hole after we have a poorly choreographed fight scene.

Really?  That was the big battle that we’ve been waiting for?

And, as is typical with Lost, no one explains why this fucking island has a light hole with a rock that, once removed, will destroy the island.  Am I the only one that doesn’t buy into this?

Finally, the gathering of all the Lost crew was not satisfying whatsoever.  Jack’s dad claims that the time that the cast spent with each other was the most valuable time they had in their lives.  So naturally they would get together in a parallel universe and attend Jack’s father’s funeral even though Jack’s dad isn’t even dead.  That doesn’t make sense to you?  You’re so shallow.

The final episode reminded me in many ways of one of those throw-away flash-back episodes that are just tailored to tug at your heart strings.  Not only was it lazy writing, but it was a waste of time.  Quite frankly, I rather the Lost writers just run text across the screen for two and a half hours that explains this ridiculous show.  Just make anything up.  Anything.

At the end of the day, I’m glad that Lost is finally over.  As much as I bitch about the show, I probably would have continued watching indefinitely.  Each week, I would have waited for the cliff hanger, then the ‘bong’ while the Lost logo rotates across the screen.  I would have enjoyed Kate cycling through her five facial expressions.  I would have enjoyed Jack being mostly calm and collected, but then exploding at a dramatic moment.

But thank god it’s over.  After six years, I feel like I finally got off the fucking island.

You may have heard that Muslims get super mad when you draw the prophet Muhammad.  Like, they will kill you, if they get the chance.  Theo Van Gogh made a movie that portrayed Muslims unfavorably, and he was shot.  Eight times.  Then stabbed in the chest.

Two episodes of South Park recently featured Muhammad.  But after the first Muhammad episode, the show’s creators, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, received death threats prompting Comedy Central to cover images of Muhammad and bleep his name in the second episode.

That brings us to May 20, Everybody Draw Muhammad Day.  Originally started by Molly Norris, who later bailed on the effort, Everybody Draw Muhammad Day encourages people to…well…do exactly what Muslims hate – draw the prophet Muhammad.

The Facebook-driven effort has so far gained a pretty strong following, with over 70,000 people ‘liking’ the page.  It even spawned the cleverly-titled Facebook page, ‘Against ‘Everybody Draw Mohammed Day – May 20.’’

I’d suggest a quick look at the ‘Everybody Draw Mohammed Day’ facebook site.  You’ll see lots of interesting depictions of Muhammad, and lots of angry comments.

It appears that some Muslims kind of don’t get the joke, and have taken to commenting on these pictures, which in turn has encouraged more pictures.  The Facebook page for the ‘Everybody Draw Mohammad Day’ event itself has over five thousand pictures, so far, many of which are pretty rudimentary drawings of the prophet that appear to have been created in Microsoft Paint.

In response, some users have posted pictures of Jesus being shit on and raped.  It’s really quite entertaining.

I don’t think I will ever get why Muslims get so mad about seeing Muhammad pictured.  I mean, I guess if you kind of have to grow up in a Muslim environment to understand.  But with the Internet, getting so mad over pictures of Muhammad seems like a losing battle, as the EDMD site has proved.

“This track is dedicated to all the ladies out there that like to go to the movies.”

Apple started shipping iPad 3Gs last week, giving users access to 3G data anywhere AT&T has service.  For that functionality, you pay $130 more for the iPad, plus $15 to $30 a month for service.  The $15 plan maxes out at 350MB, while the $30 gives you ‘unlimited’ access to data.

Not looking to add another monthly charge to your wireless bill?  Just jailbreak your iPhone.

Gizmodo provides a comprehensive guide to jailbreaking your iPhone or iPad here, and it’s super simple.  Just download an app, push a button, then wait.

I jailbroke my iPhone for one key reason – MyWi.  This $10 app turns your iPhone into a wireless WiFi modem.  That means your iPhone is essentially a WiFi hotspot, just like you would find at Starbucks, an airport or Barnes and Noble.  With one big exception – aside from the $10 you spend on the app, you don’t have to pay any more for this functionality.  No extra data fees, no additional hardware.  Just the same iPhone that you use everyday.

Why’s that so important?  By turning your iPhone into a 3G modem you don’t have to be connected to a WiFi access point or purchase a separate wireless data card.  Instead, you use your iPhone’s existing 3G connection to provide your laptop, iPad or other WiFi-enabled device with wireless Internet access.

I used this feature to watch Netflix on my iPad, surf the web and download apps.  It’s not super fast, but fast enough to stream video at acceptable frame rates and comfortably browse the web.

It’s an incredibly useful feature that makes your iPhone much more valuable.  And, for $10 it’s definitely worth it, especially if you have a device like the iPad that relies on wireless Internet.

Apple announced today that it sold one million iPads in the first month after the device was launched.  That’s not bad, and a couple of weeks ago I picked up one for myself.

I opted for the 64GB version for $699.  I have a lot of songs and video to put on the device, so that made the most sense to me.  The 32GB version for $599 was tempting, but getting another 32GB of storage for just $100 more was too good to pass up.

Like other Apple products, the iPad looks great and feels solid.  It’s a bit hard to get a good grip on the iPad’s brushed aluminum back, however, so I highly recommend a case.  Also, although the iPad is sturdy, the glass screen probably won’t withstand a drop off your desk onto a hard floor without a case.

I picked up the MacAlly Bookstand case, and this was a winner.  The case folds to prop up the iPad horizontally.  It also has a nice suede-like cover, although I’m sure it will get dirty over time.  The only downside of this case so far is that it leaves the top, bottom and right sides of the iPad exposed to scrapes.

The iPad screen looks wonderful.  Colors are rich and graphics are sharp.  The glossy screen is a bit too reflective in direct sunlight, however.

Apps on the iPad are a completely different experience than on the iPhone.  I was never a big fan of paying for iPhone apps, but the added screen real estate on the iPad makes it easier to shell out a few bucks for an app or two.

GoodReader, for example, is a great app that makes use of the larger iPad screen.  The app syncs with your computer, allowing you to read your PC-based documents on your iPad.  It’s great for work, although it’s primarily for reading, not editing.

Games are also much better on the iPad.  I’ve found a couple of games, Plants vs. Zombies and SpaceStation HD to be completely addictive.  I’m not a big gamer, but these inexpensive games are great for killing time and they really make use of the iPad’s 1GHz processor and screen.

Interestingly, the apps on the iPad make it hard to go back to iPhone apps.  iPhone apps just seem so limited and cramped by comparison, and I doubt I’ll buy another iPhone app for a long time.

The speed of the iPad is also a huge plus.  Apps open quickly and for the most part everything is very responsive.  Things are just much snappier on the iPad, when compared to the iPhone, and this makes the device much more satisfying to use.

Overall, it’s hard not to love the iPad.  At $500 to $700 it is pretty pricey, and I know many people haven’t pulled the trigger on one because they’re not sure how an iPad would fit into their daily routine.

I use my iPad as a replacement for my netbook, and in that scenario the iPad is really an ideal solution.  It’s easier to use than a netbook, and with the iPad you don’t need to deal with long bootup times and Windows.  However, I still do need to keep a PC around for most work related tasks.

I’ve found ways to use the iPad throughout the day.  It works well as an email client, music player and gaming device.  It sits on my desk at work, and I use it during the nite while watching TV, eating, etc.  The iPad is just so easy to carry around and it holds so much content that you just grow accustomed to taking it along with you.

The iPad is certainly a luxury, but at the same time it can help you to become more productive.  I’ve found that the iPad has crept into my daily activities, and after spending a couple of weeks with it I’d have a hard time living without it.

Apple released the iPad this Saturday, and so far the device has sold over 450,000 units, 300,000 of which were sold on launch day.  I made the trek to the Apple store, which had two lines, one for iPad pre-orders, and the other for non-preorder buyers.  The pre-order line was empty when I arrived at the Palo Alto store at about 11:30am, and there were about 20 people or so in the non-preorder line.

Most people were in the store playing with the iPad.  The iPad demo area was packed, and it took a few minutes of waiting just to get to a demo unit.

The build quality of the iPad is impressive.  It’s a very solid device and the aluminum back and glass screen feel very sturdy.

The iPad’s 9.7” screen looks great, although the glossy finish will be awful in the sun.  HD video was smooth, and colors were rich.  HD YouTube videos looked good as well.

There were only a few apps on the iPad, and many were just iPhone apps enlarged for the iPad’s screen.  Since these apps are essentially just enlarged, text and images were very pixelated.  That was a big disappointment, because it will likely mean you need to buy new ‘HD’ versions of apps, unless you want to stick with low res iPhone versions.

Apps that were made for the iPad, like Flight Control, did look pretty good.  The large screen gives you a lot of real estate for gaming, web browsing, and reading email, which is a big improvement over the iPhone.  The iPad’s keyboard in horizontal mode is also pretty easy to type on.  You do miss the tactile feedback of real keys, but the iPad’s virtual keyboard is a decent enough alternative to type out emails.

With music however, the extra space isn’t really used well.  That’s not a big gripe, but I would have liked to see the iPad’s big screen used for liner notes or something.

eBooks look good on the iPad, and the device has a cool page turning effect that makes eBooks look like real books.  Color is a big plus that differentiates the iPad from the Kindle, for example.  And while many novels are just black in white, there are a ton of books that will benefit from the iPad’s high res color screen.

The speed of the iPad was impressive, especially when compared to the iPhone.  Websites loaded quickly, and zooming and scrolling was very responsive.

At the end of the day though, I just couldn’t bring myself to pull the trigger on an iPad – and believe me, I was looking for any excuse to do so.  Like many people, I can’t really see how the iPad will fit into my daily life, so although the device is certainly cool, it’s not worth the $500+.

I’d suggest a wait-and-see approach at this point, for a few reasons.  First of all, the iPad won’t really replace a laptop or an iPhone, so you don’t need to buy it now.  You can wait until the price drops, or wait for Apple to release refurb units at a $100 discount.

Also, the accessories currently available for the iPad are underwhelming.  Apple had a few overpriced cases in stock, all of which felt pretty cheap.  If you buy now, you’ll need to get a case to protect the iPad, but most likely you’ll want to upgrade to a better case in the near future.

And, today Apple announced that the iPad will be upgraded to the iPhone OS 4.0 in the fall.  That’s just another reason to wait before purchasing the device.

Yesterday, on the eve of the 2010 Masters tournament, Nike released its first new Tiger Woods commercial since the whole Tiger spectacle broke.  The commercial shows Tiger looking into the camera, with a dull kind of morose look on his face.  Tiger doesn’t say anything – instead all you hear is the voice of Tiger’s late father, Earl Woods.

Earl Woods’ quote is perfect for the commercial.  It promotes understanding and learning, rather than hatred, guilt or reciprocity.  It also puts the other criticism that Tiger has received in context – the commercial shows that Woods disappointed his family more than anyone, making criticism from the media or fans relatively insignificant.

It’s a pretty ballsy commercial, and I have to say it works very well for me.  Although Earl Woods’ statements are obviously taken out of context, it’s chilling to see Tiger’s face as Earl asks, “I want to find out what your thinking was. I want to find out what your feelings are. Did you learn anything?”

The colonel is a genius.  Forget bread, why not just use fried chicken?  And throw some cheese and bacon in there for good measure.  It only has 540 calories and 32 grams of fat, although the 1380 mg of sodium is a bit much.  See you at KFC on the 12th.