“Is african americans ever going to get reparations for slavery?”  Will wants his shiet.  It’s a question on the back of everybody’s head.

For training camp at least.  On Monday NFL commish Roger Goodell banned vick from the Falcon’s training camp until dogfighting charges against the QB are reviewed.  In a letter to Vick, Goodell wrote:

“While it is for the criminal justice system to determine your guilt or innocence, it is my responsibility as commissioner of the National Football League to determine whether your conduct, even if not criminal, nonetheless violated league policies, including the Personal Conduct Policy…”

Vick will still get his preseason pay however, which is in the $1,100 per week range, and the NFL asked the Falcons to without any disciplinary action until the league’s review is completed.

Not great news, but so far just a slap on the wrist for Vick.  I still think he’s getting unnecessarily beat up for this, but on the other hand Goodell does need to keep the league under control, which is not easy when a significant portion of your members are literally from the hood.

From Reuters.  AT&T today released initial subscriber counts for the iPhone that were way below analysts estimates.  The company said it signed up 146,000 iPhone customers in the first two days of sales, compared to analyst estimates that placed initial sales in the 500,000+ range.

This makes sense, because, really, analysts have no idea what the f they’re talking about.  Analyst ‘expectations’ were surely just some out-of-college hot shot hitting refresh on the apple iPhone store inventory list and thinking of a big impressive number that will get their name on CNN.com.

AT&T’s news sent Apple stock plummeting nearly $6.  Apple will announce earnings on Wednesday, so we’ll likely get a better idea of iPhone sales then.

Who would you rather have making your rice?

BTW, I forgot to mention this.  I’ve seen Ben Cayetano only once in person.  It was in Kahala Mall in that long wide corridor by the movie theaters.  One thing about uncle ben (the flip one) he’s super short.  I’d say 5′2″.  He was walking along with his wife who is much taller than him and actually pretty hot for an older woman, and two huge moke bodyguards.  The body guards were wearing super cheap-looking aloha shirts - like the ones you get at international marketplace.

Anyway, one thought crossed my mind at this sight:  Ben Cayetano looks like the dirtiest flip EVER.  Just the combination of this diminutive flip walking with this tall hot woman surrounded by bodyguards kind of made him look like some filipino pimp or something.  And that little mustache screamed “get me my money, bitch.”

Ah, yes…gotta love hawaii.  That, after all, was our governor.

What a clever play on words.  “Sack vick”?  Get it?  He’s a quarterback, and quarterbacks get sacked…but sacked is also a term for getting fired!  PETA is really putting their 15 minutes of fame to use.

Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?  Vick hasn’t even gone to trial yet - and evidence from both sides of the case haven’t been publicly presented.  Doesn’t Vick have a right to, uh, give his side of the story…I mean, even though animals are involved this is still America, right?

Not for PETA - the organization is so eager to get their name in headlines that they have already produced an entire link of ‘Sack Vick’ clothing (no kidding).  They are like the Bush Administration - if the Bush Administration was a bunch of vegan hippies that were looking for a cause even more worthless than Iraq.  PETA is willing to circumvent the American criminal justice system for cute little animals - they’re willing to proclaim a potentially innocent man of being guilty without trial, or even a fair display of evidence.

PETA has placed Vick on dirty hippie Guantanamo…no trial, no jury, just quick and baseless conviction by the mob.  But at least they stand up for monkeys.

Really, I can’t think of a more worthless existence than being a PETA member.  First of all, you have to content with all the opposing viewpoints within PETA:  you have dirty hippies, worthless housewives, and insane vegans who can’t eat anything without turning into water and disintegrating.

Not to mention, you happen to live in a country where you can buy meat on every street corner, in every grocery store, and in about a million fast food joints.

Oh, and did I mention that your most famous member is Pamela Anderson.

Still, PETA has gotten pretty big, and the organization does have a strong following and lots of funding.  Why?  Because people are idiots, and if you put a cute bunny in front of them or a monkey that can do cute little things with its arms and act like a human then they completely lose their sense of reason and objectivity and will do pretty much anything to protect the cute little animal…this is made much easier since these people are unemployed hippies or housewives that live off their husband’s paycheck and have nothing to do all day anyway.

Can we all just step back a second and recognize that the impact of this crime is minimal, and that public policy shouldn’t be dictated by a bunch of insane protesters.

It’s hard being a haole in Hawaii.  After not eating rice at all in the mainland, unless it was pilaf or risotto, you’re suddenly stuck on an island where you’re lucky if you can get a baked potato…and when you go to dinner with friends and get the baked potato, as soon as you order it you see money changing hands underneath the table as “I bet the haole orders baked potato” bets get settled.

So, you try to buy a rice cooker, but there are so many options.  You start off cheap, but quickly realize that as a haole, you don’t have the skills to make oriental quality rice.

For those of you that face this predicament, Japadamus is pleased to present the Japadamus Guide to Rice Cookers:

-”I put so much butter on my rice that it doesn’t really matter”  These one button rice cookers are ideal for people that don’t really give a fuck what their rice tastes like - usually because they’re either haole or poor college students.  In any case, these cookers are cheap - maybe even less than $10 - but unless you measure the rice to water ratio carefully, they will produce less than stellar results.

-”I eat rice so often I need to keep it warm”  These cookers are usually in the $50 to $100 range and have a nice warming feature that can keep rice nice and hot for a day or so (I usually push this to the 40-50 hour range, but after that it’s like you’re eating bacteria-ridden pebbles).  Still, you’re getting the one-button action though - usually no timer or other features, and without a microprocessor you need to measure rice and water carefully.

-”My rice cooker can do math”  After graduating from the one-button cookers, try one of these.  Most of these rice cookers have some sort of microprocessor that ‘ensures’ that rice is cooked properly.  Zojirushi markets a feature called “NeuroFuzzy” that uses fuzzy logic to adjust to the temperature and moisture of rice to cook a perfect pot.  They also usually have timing functions, which is great if you want to have a fresh pot when you come home.  I have one of these, and it has settings for white and brown (sorry Jakgrabbit, that’s white rice - not a setting that enables haoles and blacks (mexicans perhaps) to create a decent pot of rice - technology can take us only so far), porridge, and even a quick mode (still takes around 20 mins).  Oh yeah, and it plays a song when you cook rice and when it’s done.  Really.  Be prepared to pay around $100 to $200 though.

-”My rice cooker is a status symbol”  In the $200+ range you can get rice cookers with all sorts of features.  Induction cooking, which uses electromagnetic induction to cook the rice, is a big feature on these.  Induction is more precise than regular electric heating, and dispenses heat more evenly.  They also get hotter quicker, and will only get hot when an electromagnetic field is created between the pot and the cooker itself.

-”I’m a haole trying to impress my oriental friends”  So, being a haole, you went to Macys to get a rice cooker (obviously you don’t have a Marukai membership) and picked a nice, expensive, name brand rice cooker.  Ooohhhhh, soooo close.  Unfortunately, your haoleness directed your eyes away from the asian brands, and directly to Cuisinart…great, if you’re looking for a Waffle Dippers Sticks maker , but, eh, not so much if you’re looking for a rice cooker.   Too bad, but at least your rice cooker has features like a brushed stainless steel finish with chrome-plated handles, and a tray for steaming meat and vegetables.

There’s another tip - stay with the japanese brands.  Makes sense, right?  Japs eat a lot of rice, therefore japs should make good rice making tools.  Zojurushi is the king of japanese rice cookers - primarily because Sony doesn’t make rice cookers - but a name brand like Panasonic or Sanyo should be fine as well.

Oh, and if you want to be really local, serve your rice with an ice cream scoop - only the real locals know that tip.

I was talking to TJFKAK the other day about eating ‘healthy’ at Panda Express.  I mean, can this be done?  Seems like everything there is pretty much saturated in oil.  Here are a few interesting notes from the nutritional information posted on their website.

• They’re putting something in the rice.  One serving (8oz) of plain steamed rice has 380 calories, 2.5g of fat, and 81g of carbs.  Fried rice has 450 calories, 14g of fat, and 710mg of sodium.
• Orange chicken is the worst stuff there.  One serving has 500 calories, 27g of fat and 810mg of sodium.
• BBQ pork has 400 calories, 23g of fat and 1570mg of sodium - that’s over 60% of the recommended daily sodium intake.  Sweet and sour pork is also pretty bad, with 400 calories and 23g of fat.

What’s not so bad?

• As TJFKAK correctly pointed out, mixed vegetables are just that - 70 calories of healthy veggies, with minimal sodium and almost no fat.
• Mushroom chicken ain’t bad either, just 130 calories, 6g of fat and 520mg of sodium.
• Popular Kung Pao chicken has 240 calories, 15g of fat - not too bad.
• Beef dishes are surprisingly healthy as well.  Mongolian beef only has 180 calories and 11g of fat (although 800mg of sodium), while broccoli beef has 150 calories and just 7g of fat.
• Shrimp is also healthy - but they do charge an extra $1 for it.  Tangy shrimp has only 150 calories and 5g of fat.  That seems encouraging, but I’m actually pretty sure it’s because they only put like 2 shrimps in there.
• Looking for protein?  Mandarin chicken has the most - 31g of protein, and a reasonable 250 calories, 10g of fat…but 1150mg of sodium.

Conclusions?  As long as you stay away from the orange chicken and pork, Panda Express is not that bad for you.  Although if you’re trying to stay away from sodium, perhaps go somewhere else.  The BBQ pork may send you to the emergency room.

In California, j’s have a couple of choices for authentic food.  One, they can go to a real japanese market like Mitsuwa or Nijiya, and get real j food from real j’s…and, well, a bunch of mexicans as well.  OR, they can go to the chinese market, play 10% to 20% less for the same stuff, but take the risk they catch some rare chinese bird flu or get buns made of cardboard or something.  And just stepping into the chinese market, you run a pretty high risk of catching something because those markets are absolutely filthy.

And for a lot of stuff, I keep it real and go to the j market.  I really do hate the j-tax though - I mean, you pay more for the same shit just to, as chris rock says, keep money in the community.

But I often go to the chinese market for stuff that is made, packaged and sealed in japan - like some liquors, spices, etc., because these things are much cheaper at the chinese market, and, as long as you wash the bottles once you bring them home - there’s little chance that they will get you sick.

Anyway, I went today, and took a couple interesting pics.  The first pic (above) is as chinese market as a chinese market can get  the sign written in broken english notifying customers of an extra charge for….wait for it…plastic bags.

I guess some chinese get over zealous when bagging their produce - which isn’t really a bad idea.  The chinese however, are probably not ones to jump on the isolating potentially bacteria ridden food bandwagon yet.

But the funniest part is the charge itself - $15 per pound of these bags?  Exactly how many bags are these chinese taking?  I mean, these bags much weigh a fraction of a gram at most.  It’d take hundreds of these bags to even register on the scale thingy.

I know this is true, because if the bags actually added any weight, the chinese simply wouldn’t use them.  Come’on chinese, admit it, you’d have your produce rolling around in a filthy cart before paying for the plastic bag.

Another interesting sign - “Daddy’s Smile Soju” from Japan.  I actually like purchasing liquor at the chinese market, because they have lots of japanese liquor for cheap, and I believe that the liquor itself kills off any chinese bacteria that may be acquired in the market.

But “Daddy’s Smile” Soju?  The marketing’s a little mischievous, no?  I picture some old j slumped over on the lazy-boy, telling his prepubescent daughter to bring another round of Daddy’s Smile…”you want daddy to smile, don’t you?”

Anyway, I thought it was funny because you could never get away with this kind of marketing in the U.S. - and it sounds especially bad when it’s lost in translation like I’m sure this sign is.

So, that’s that.  Just a couple of pics.

Hey, this has been bash chinese month so far, and I like it!  Some other things I don’t like about chinese:

• How they always sound mad when they talk.
• Bad breath.
• How they’re always rude when they take your order at restaurants and act like they don’t want to be there and just take your order all fast and don’t say thank you.
• How they shove the dim sum in your face, then when you ask what’s in it, they just say one ingredient over and over, then shove it closer in your face - like that will help you to understand better what’s in it.
• And generally I don’t like the idea of eating dim sum that has been shoved in the face of many people before me.
• And, I hate how they toss the dim sum bamboo thingy on your table when you order it.
• Why the hell does dim sum seem like such a hustle anyway?  Do they get paid a commission based on how much off their cart they sell?
• To many teas with non-descriptive asian names:  I like how at some restaurants, they bring out the tea case with all the teas lined up neatly, and the names are descriptive, like lemon, or mint or whatever (except earl gray - who knows wtf earl gray is, like is it named after a guy, or a herb, or what?).  But at the chinese restaurant, first they’ll just bring you out whatever if you’re not chinese and don’t ask, because they assume you don’t know anyway.  And I SWEAR they don’t clean the pots after each use, they just stick more tea leaves in there and serve it again.  Anyway, and if you do ask what teas they have, they just rattle off a bunch of chinese names and don’t explain it at all.  I mean, you know jasmine, and maybe chrisanthemum, but there are all those other ones, and some places combine two types of tea leaves to make a different type of tea - overall, it’s a big mess.

First of all, is this guy the jap Ron Popeil or what?  But I give him more credit than Ron, because he’s trying to sell a $1,000 dollar rice cooker, not some crap food dehydrator or rotisserie oven.  Ron may cut the price down to 3 payments of $13.33, but jap Ron Popeil is gonna take a G out of your pockets.

So what’s so good about this rice cooker, made by Sanyo?  Well, it features Sanyo’s pressurized cooking technology, and has an interior made out of copper.  Apparently, this enables the cooker to make the rice ‘dance,’ and as we all know, happy rice makes happy japs.

Ok, I guess so.  But what I would really pay money for is a rice cooker that makes rice in like, 5 minutes.  And washes the rice too.  And cleans up afterwards.

I keep my rice on warm for days at a time to create a thick film of bacteria anyway, so my rice is not happy, even if it does get to dance.

Tumi bags are nice, but insanely expensive.  However, unlike fashion brands that are more form than function, Tumi’s bags are very well designed, with nice padded laptop compartments, comfortable straps, and pockets galore.  Their bags also have a lifetime warranty.

Anyway, Tumi is having a Summer Sale until July 31, with up to 40% off discontinued items and not-so-hot colors.

Personally, I like the Ducati Collection pictured above (also available in Red and Black), but for $170 for a briefcase I think I’ll stick with my $30 targus.

From Digg.  Two girls have been charged with setting fire to a male shorthaired kitten named Adam.  Apparently the girls poured a flammable liquid on the cat, who was only 8 weeks old at the time, and then lit him up.  The cat suffered 2nd and 3rd degree burns over 75% of its body.

Obviously I’m not a big fan of cats, but this does seem to be pretty cruel.  Officially, Japadamus is against cat burning - although that little cat IV is soooooo cute.

I also have to suggest that the care being put into this cat is a bit…let’s say excessive.  So far the cat has undergone two surgeries, including skin grafts.  The cat is being taken care of at an animal shelter.  His care would normally cost $20k to $30k, but the work is being done pro bono by a board-certified cat surgeon.

Yes, you can be board certified to perform surgery on cats.  Not a great House MD plot, but I guess it pays the bills.  And how much do you want to bet, that the surgeon’s wife tells all her friends that her husband is a board certified surgeon, conveniently leaving out the ‘cat’ part.

 The vet expects to make her money back by making the cat push furniture around the office

Today Google announced narrowing profit margins and slower than expected growth, sending the stock down nearly $40, or 7% in after hours trading.  Revenue increased by 58% from last year - slightly above analysts expectations.  Earnings however, were slightly below analysts expectations - only the second miss for Google since it went public.

Along with earnings, Google CEO Eric Schmidt announced that Google will be more ‘careful’ about hiring in the future - as opposed to the company’s current strategy of hiring every Stanford grad it can get its hands on.

Acquisition cost