Another Woot! Off is going on folks, and this one started off pretty good.  They had a desktop mini fridge - a must have for work, and a decent 8.1mp camera for $140.

I picked up the Nokia 770 Internet Tablet.  Apparently you can walk around your house and surf the web with wifi with this thing - seems pretty cool.  We’ll see if it’s just a waste of money or not.

First of all Jak, lets get this straight.  You hate two things:  Punahou kids and Hawaii.

Don’t try to cop out and say you hate Punahou as an institution - because that is not the source of your problems at all.  What, did the hala tree call you haole, break into your car and steal your wallet?

Punahou is really just a school that does an above average job of teaching kids.  We did not have lessons on how to be arrogant or elitist - we took normal classes like everyone else.  And yes, we did have a lot of resources and a big carnival - but guess what, it’s a private school, and as private school tuition goes Punahou is actually very reasonable when compared to other private schools in the US.

Punahou does not have a secret underground network for hiring either.  Sure, some individuals may prefer to hire people who went to the same school as them - but that’s not Punahou’s fault - that’s the fault of Punahou kids.

So lets look at Punahou kids.

I understand that Punahou kids may tend to talk a lot about Punahou shit…but that doesn’t mean anything except that they’re boring.  I don’t know why you subjected yourself to talking to these people for so long if indeed they were only talking about a school that you have nothing to do with.

For example, TKFKAK always talks about these fucking limited edition t-shirts, and she sends me links and stuff during work and she’s like “this one was sold out, but they did a limited edition reprint making it limited limited edition and the artist has AIDS and a peg leg…blah blah blah.”

And when I can’t drown that out any longer I tell her to change the fucking subject.  She does the same thing when I start talking about my shit.  It’s so easy…and has nothing to do with what schools we went to and everything to do about your relationship with these people and your willingness to change the conversation.

I mean, you have two choices, 1) be a dick and tell these girls to shut the fuck up about punahou, which would be my preferred route, or 2) find new friends.  Option #3, don’t say anything and subject yourself to hours of torture hearing about the fucking malasada booth, then post about it…i mean, now you’re subjecting me to these stories - and I don’t care about the fing carnival or prom budget either.

And yes, I know, there are a lot of punahou kids going to UH law school, and those kids tend to group together.  But that’s not unique to Punahou kids - all kids that have a similar background tend to group together.

I think you’re lucky, I mean, if you were taking a Tongan dance class there would be 100 kids from Waianae High grouping together…and believe me, if that was the case you’d be wishing your only problem was hearing about the punahou carnival.

In the job market, I think it may be true that Punahou candidates get a closer look - but that’s true for a lot of schools in a lot of locations.  It is not unique to Hawaii or Punahou at all - believe me.

I would say statistically, in Hawaii, Punahou kids would tend to be better candidates at certain jobs just based on their education.  And that’s not arrogant or elitist I don’t think…it’s just a statistical reality that when you’re in a tough job market and you’re getting two thousand resumes for every job opening, you have to find ways to be selective…and maybe a Punahou background helps there.

I mean, think about the bay area.  You have strong camps of Stanford grads and Berkeley grads…and in that job environment a degree from the dumb rich haole school Santa Clara University (where I went) does not go far at all.

Sure, it’s peculiar that a high school degree goes so far in Hawaii - but Hawaii is a small town, and in small towns those sorts of things happen.  And it does suck, and it pisses me off - but hey, that is fucking reality and life…bitching about it gets you absolutely nowhere.  Try getting a job in California with a UH Law degree and you’ll see the exact same thing, if not worse because a UH degree in Cali just makes people think you’re a weed smoking slacker.

Now, maybe a little bit of background is in order here.  I went to punahou from kindergarten…K through 12, so it’s the only school I have know in my entire life other than college.

Am I happy I went to punahou?  Yes.  Do I talk about Punahou sometimes?  Sure.  Do I constantly talk about Punahou shit like the carnival or prom?  No.  Why?  Because that’s boring and frankly Punahou to me is a bit memorable, but looking back it was far more functional than anything.  It’s a means to an end…and the booth I worked in at the carnival, corn on the cob, was totally gay.

Punahou does an excellent job of preparing kids for college.  It is, after all, a prep school.  And I would venture to say most schools in Hawaii don’t do a great job of preparing kids for college.  With that in mind, you can see how a Punahou kid that goes to college and maybe graduate school may be more successful in white collar jobs in Hawaii.

Are Punahou kids arrogant and snobby?  Well, Punahou is an expensive school and there are a lot of wealthy kids that go there…and since I don’t think there is such a thing as a poor snob, well, yes, it’s probably true that there are more snobby kids at Punahou than, say, your run of the mill public school.  But snobby is a subjective term in itself - I think snobby for many people simply means not being cognisant of the hardships that other people face.

There were lots of middle class kids that went to Punahou, and lots of kids whose parents worked their asses off to send them to Punahou.  I would say that for every super rich kid at Punahou there were three that live very basic, middle class lives and had parents who worked very very hard.  Is it really fair to group all these kids together?

And here, I understand why you try to blame Punahou itself - not Punahou kids in general - blaming Punahou kids just doesn’t make sense.  But lets face it…you hate arrogant little Punahou bitches - not the physical school itself.  And guess what, I hate a lot of Punahou kids too.  There were a ton of snotty little bitches at that school.

But you know what?  There were a ton of snotty little bitches in college too, not to mention every time I go to the mall or see a movie.

In fact, I hate Iolani kids.  I hate blacks, I hate mexicans, I hate chinese and I hate Japs (very few japs however, it’s just like that race is a bit superior to others or something..weird ).

I’m an equal opportunity hater, Jak.  And I think you should be too, because there are a lot of people to hate in Hawaii, and by just focusing on Punahou kids you’re really missing out.

And ironically, as a mainland haole in Hawaii with a law degree, it’s pretty likely that your friends are going to be from a private school, whether it’s Punahou or that jap shit hole Iolani.  I mean, you think Punahou kids are elitist…I think you should go to school with some Iolani kids and compare…

In any case, I say give Hawaii some time.  I think your main problem is getting used to being white in a state where white people get called out and some people are just openly hostile.

But you’ll get used to it…thousands of haoles have.  And the demographics of Hawaii itself are starting to change in your favor.  Really, as long as you stay away from the really local locals you’ll be fine and you’ll probably make a lot of friends.

But, it really is counterproductive pointing the finger at punahou kids or hawaii itself.  If you want to be the racial majority there are lots of places you could move to…but you picked hawaii, so deal with it. 

I seriously need to clear up some things about my feelings on Punahou.

First, I do hate Punahou.

However, I don’t hate people who went to Punahou. What I hate is the depth to which the elitism of the institution has insinuated itself into . . . everything . . . in Honolulu. It’s nauseating that the name of your high school remains such a core identifier of your ego for, as far as I can tell, your entire life. It’s particularly nauseating to somebody who didn’t grow up here and is now trying to make Hawaii his home when he learns that it really does matter. Pretty much to everybody.

The frustrating thing about trying to explain this, particularly to Punahou grads, is that you can’t see it because you’re living in it. I don’t know how much time El Jeffe has spent in Hawaii, so maybe he can relate, maybe not. Maybe TJFKAK can understand this too, having been raised in Chicago. The high-school-centric culture is, at first, sort of strange and entertaining. However, it becomes insidious when, as somebody from the mainland, it becomes a constant reminder that you not local. It’s worse when it’s used, as it frequently is, either purposely or unconsciously, as a means of exclusion. Sometimes this is just annoying little things that grate at you over time, sometimes it means, like, you don’t get a job.

I know the response, at this point, is that I’m somehow bitter and/or jealous. Well, yes. But not because I didn’t go to Punahou.

I went to law school at UH. My class had 106 students. Thirty of us were out-of-state students from the mainland (or elsewhere). I believe about thirty-three of my classmates were Punahou grads. So to put this in perspective - HALF the local residents in my law school class went to the same high school.

Now the automatic response is “Well, Punahou is such an awesome school and has such talented students and alums, that’s why so many were accepted to law school.”

No.

The Punahou students ran the gamut from the top of the class to the lowest in the class rankings. So naturally, this would sort out any high school bias once the firms started hiring for internships and jobs after graduation, right?

Nope.

Of my fellow mainland classmates, no more than five of us are still living in Hawaii. There were a variety of reasons why people chose to move, but an unfortunate number of them moved because they couldn’t get jobs out here. Smart, accomplished, and experienced lawyers who just couldn’t get hired.

You all know what the first question is when you go to a job interview.

Now try to imagine being from the mainland where the question is “Why did you come to Hawaii?”

This bitterness isn’t for myself. I never even went to a law firm interview. I never even applied. I was too busy pursuing other career avenues with the Federal government. And HPD certainly wouldn’t have viewed Punahou as a positive credential. That’s a whole different kind of local over there. However, I am pissed because my best friends all moved away and refuse to come back because of the experiences they had here. These are people who are WAY more tolerant and likeable and competent than myself. All of them were better lawyers too.

I’ve now been to the police academy. There was one private school grad in my class. I liked those guys so much more and was accepted so much faster with them than I ever was in law school. This isn’t a Hawaii problem. This is a problem with the Hawaii elites. This attitude is a problem with the people who have the kind of status and money where they can go to law school. And, as mentioned above, a full half of those people apparently went to Punahou.

So it’s not at all that I was taunted by some girls during lunch. The experience was that I ate lunch with three of y’all’s classmates every day. I liked them. I like them now. They’re my friends. However, at the age of 25, training to be professionals of the highest caliber, do you know what they talked about, literally, without any exaggeration, every single day?

Punahou.

They talked about high school. They talked about people from high school that the rest of us don’t know. They talked about who sat at what benches, or whatever, during high school. They talked about the joys of being a peer counselor. I learned all about the breakdown of labor based on what grade you’re in during “Carnival.” Christ, I even know what the budget was for the 1999 Senior Prom and Graduation ($1.3 million, you spoiled brats). I know more about Punahou now then I do about my own high school. Why do I know this? Because what does somebody from the mainland do when you’re having a few pitchers of beer at Magoo’s (god rest his blind little soul) with a bunch of Punahou grads? You sit there with your mouth shut and listen to people talk about Punahou.

This isn’t a phenomenon that’s limited to Punahou. It’s sort of representative of the general “look how local I am” game that’s the top passtime in Hawaii. My particular hatred comes because of the particular way I was introduced to this aspect of local culture; through law school, lawyers, and Punahou grads.

I imagine the response to this is that I’m overreacting or over-sensitive. But I assure you, it looks way worse from the outside then you guys seem to realize. As somebody who’s job now, in large part, involves investigating fraud and other corporate intrigues in Honolulu, I can assure you that Punahou’s celebration of cronyism extends way beyond grad school.

If you want to do a little experiment, a little self-test, think about how you introduce your friends to people. Are they your “friend from high school” or are they your “Punahou friend.” Now contemplate on the varying shades of meaning and implications in the difference between those two statements and maybe you can see the absurdity in the whole thing.

Sorry this post wasn’t funnier.

From Crunchgear, Gizmodo.  Crunchgear is reporting that an HTC insider has confirmed plans for a Google phone.  According to the article, Google is currently evaluating over 20 designs for the device.  The phone is expected to feature Google maps, Gmail and a calendar.  Google Talk is also supposedly going to be included on the device, suggesting that users will be able to make free calls over VoIP.

Other reports from News.com and Engadget suggest that Google is preparing its own mobile phone operating system - not a device itself.  According to News.com, the OS is supposedly Linux-based.

Engadget is reporting that the Google Phone OS has been in the works since 2005, and that Google is partnering with a company called Android for the project.  Engadget expects the OS to be announced some time after Labor Day.

What to make of this news?  The fact that so many ‘insider’ Google Phone reports are emerging now is interesting.  But most likely, these rumors are half true at best…probably a friend of a friend of a low-level Google employee is responsible.

I think it is way more likely to Google to be working on a mobile phone OS, than a device itself.  Google already offers mobile phone applications, and the development of a mobile platform for those applications would not be difficult for the company.

Also, HTC is probably at most developing a phone that uses the Google OS, not a ‘Google Phone.’  HTC is trying to establish its own brand nowadays, and being hidden under a Google OEM will not help.

I mean, think of it this way - Google is not trying to drive revenue with device sales.  Even if the company nets $100 per device and sells a million of these guys, that’s small change for the company.

The mobile space is interesting for Google because it will drive core advertising revenue and enable the company to offer a whole host of interesting location-based services.  And if this is the case, Google will want its OS on as many phones as possible - not an iPhone-like device used by only a million or so users.

In any case, it seems like these stories are at least partially accurate…and we should be hearing something soon.

I love the Porsche Cayman…and this limited edition Porsche Design Edition 1 looks sweet.  Only 777 are being made…pricing is TBA.

We had our fantasy football draft this weekend, and everything went great…except for one thing:

Half an hour through the draft, ESPN’s servers crashed - kicking off everyone from the site.  This really pissed me off - it’s ESPN for christ’s sake - god knows they have enough video and animation of their f’ing site…they can’t handle a simple fantasy draft?

Very very pathetic.  In fantasy football, that’s pretty much the number one thing you need to take care of first - make sure your servers can handle draft traffic.

Back to the draft…

Well, TJFKAK got the #1 draft pick - an easy choice.  She also took Jon Kitna, who I was targeting, and #1 wide receiver Steve Smith.  TJFKAK actually ended up staying for the whole draft, even though she had a birthday party to go to at 10am.  I told her though, in hawaiian time she could get there at noon and half of the people would still be showing up…and I was right.

JakGrabbit went the sleeper route, taking two players I’ve never heard of:  Brian Leonard and LaShaun Ward.  The most interesting part of the draft however, was JakGrabbit’s explanation of his hatred for Punahou…he was taunted by a couple of female ‘98 grads during lunch at UH Law.  His disdain for these girls was actually kind of surprising…like one of those horror movies when they flash back to the event that turned the killer into a killer…for Jak it’d be talking to a bunch of snobby punahou girls.

He also has a disturbing knowledge of sailor moon.  It actually kind of embarased me…I’m supposed to be the perverted jap here who watches anime of girls in short sailor outfits, but Jak totally outshone me by not only naming the various sailor moon characters, but also explaining why sailor moon is named ‘moon,’ while all the other sailors are named after specific planets (e.g. venus, mercury, etc.).

The Bear has, by far, the blackest team in the league.  She has an all black starting lineup…expect for her kicker, who had to be white since there are no black kickers in the NFL.  She also took Vince Young before I did because he has a chinese last name.  Sigh.

I got the third pick and took LJ.  I focused on running backs, taking Benson and Portis early.  And although TJFKAK suggested that I have a man-crush on Jeff Garcia, this is totally not true.  He’s just a solid late round pick that happens to be a homo.

By the way, did I mention that the 49ers are going to be AWESOME this year.  At least from a fantasy perspective…I have Alex Smith and Vernon Davis (i could have picked up Gore but laid off because of injury worries) and I think they’ll be standouts this year.  For the record though, off the field, Smith is a douche.

 Wine Woot, part of the Woot! empire, is selling an interesting 4 bottle set of sake from Sake One.  The set includes the follow bottles of premium sake:

• 1 Momokawa Silver by SakéOne
• 1 Momokawa Ruby by SakéOne
• 1 Moonstone Asian Pear by SakéOne
• 1 Moonstone Coconut Lemongrass by SakéOne

I’m not too sure about the flavored varieties…they seem a bit too fusion-y for my taste.  But all an all, this is a decent deal - possibly good for a sushi party.  And it’s nice to see Wine Woot release a sake set.

Threadless, maker of plus-sized limited edition T-shirts is having a back to school sale with everything on sale from $10 until Monday, September 3rd.

Now I’m still not sure i’m buying the whole ‘limited edition t’ thing, but if you’re into that kind of stuff, seems like a good deal.

I think it was a good speech.  Sincere, heartfelt…and I give him props for doing the whole thing without notes.

I’m not so sure about the apologies to the kids tho, I think it’s really the dogs that deserve an apology - although it would be a bit odd for him to apologize to his dogs…like, “Killer, I’m sorry for drowning you.  BANE, I’m sorry for shooting you in the head, Fido, I’m sorry for putting you on the rape stick.”

And if I was Jesus I’d be smacking my head thinking, “why do they always involve me in this shit?”

Where the fuck is Al Sharpton when you need him? 

As expected, Michael Vick pled guilty to dog fighting charges today, finally brining this whole ordeal close to an end.  Vick will be sentenced in December, and faces up to five years in prison.  More likely however, he’ll get just a year due to his guilty plea.

Blah blah blah, this story is quickly losing it’s legs.  And not a minute too soon.

But I was thinking today, David Stern and the NBA really got lucky with the timing of Vick’s indictment.  I mean, Vick pretty much dominated the sports headlines for the past two months - overshadowing not only the NFL preseason but probably one of the biggest scandals in sports history.

I’m talking about former NBA referee Tim Donaghy of course.  Donaghy has already pled guilty to several gambling allegations.  But the real impact on the NBA is accusations that Donaghy actually changed the course of games for the sake of bookies.

If this whole Vick thing never happened, who knows where the NBA would be now.  I mean, this is a case that undermines the league itself.

And Donaghy looks like he’s ready to roll on a bunch of others - so this story is far from over.  Who knows how many other refs he will implicate in coming months.

In any case, the NBA really dodged a huge PR bullet here.  Daniel Stern really owes his job to Vick in a weird, perverted kind of way.

 Want a one of a kind piece of Stephen Colbert memorabilia?  Stephen’s actual cast is now up for auction on eBay.  If you watch the show, you know that Stephen broke his wrist a couple weeks ago prior to taping.  Ever since, Colbert has been working to raise awareness for wrist injuries.

As of Sunday, bidding was up to nearly $11,000 - which I guess is not surprising, but still, kind of a lot for what is a pretty disgusting piece of memorabilia.  Keep in mind however, that the cast is signed by a bunch of famous people, including NY Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Katie Couric, Bill O’Reilly, Nancy Pelosi, Tim Russert, Tony Snow and Brian Williams.

All proceeds from the auction will go to the Yellow Ribbon Fund, which supports injured service members.

Yesterday morning, a dozen pit bulls were seized from rapper DMX’s house in Arizona.  According to police, the dogs were in bad condition and were not getting proper food or water.  Additionally, the bodies of three dogs were dug up from DMX’s yard.  Police also found a large cache of weapons and half a pound of “suspected illegal narcotics.”

It seems that police are really starting to crack down on cases of animal abuse.  And I’d glad that they are…I mean, we’ve solved all crimes against humans, so it’s natural to shift our focus to our animal brethren.  Like, hello?  Planes being flow into buildings are soooo 2001.

DMX, whose real name is Earl Simmons, pled guilty to animal cruelty allegations in 2002 after 13 neglected pit bulls were found in his possession.  Unfortunately, these charges went largely unnoticed by the media because PETA spokesperson Pamela Anderson was too busy fucking Tommy Lee on camera.

He has also been arrested for drug possession, driving with a suspended license and assault.

Ironically, Simmons is known for barking during his raps, and had a popular single called “Get at Me Dog” where he asks, “where my dogs at?”  The song also features other provocative lyrics such as, “Rrrrrr arf arf what the deal?”

Last year, DMX released an album called “Year of the Dog Again” (pictured), which features a fierce looking dog on the cover.

This so called “art” makes me sick.  It’s really just doggy snuff and the government should act now.  Dogs are cute cuddly animals and should only be pictured playing with toys or wearing cute doggy clothes.

This is a national crisis…we don’t have time to wait for the legal system to run it’s due course.  We should just arrest any black person with a pit bull and crucify them in the media before detaining them indefinitely somewhere where they won’t be heard from ever again…like, say a bay near cuba or something.  Now that is progress.

1950s Remix:

1990s Remix

West Coast Remix

1980s Remix