There was a native uprising in Hawaii today, when 70 members of the “Hawaiian Kingdom Government” blockaded themselves on the Iolani Palace grounds.

Why?

Apparently the HKG was upset about the whole US taking over Hawaii thing, and they thought that occupying Iolani Palace would get the US to cross of that 50th star and give the state back.  Too bad the government buildings they were taking hostage have not been used for several decades…they’re now pretty much a tourist attraction.

And it’s not like the took over a big tourist attraction…you know, like one that would make the state actually care.  I mean, I would have mad respect for them if, say, they took over Ala Moana or Waikiki Beach…or even Hanauma Bay.  But taking over Iolani Palace?  They might as well have taken the world’s largest ball of yarn hostage.

The result?  Well, apparently the HKG is still there…and they are putting up signs.  They have posted guards at each gate of the palace, and only kanaka (and this definition doesn’t just mean moke - it actually means someone with Hawaiian blood) were allowed on palace grounds.  Except for media, of course.

And right now it appears they are still just hanging out there.  I mean, the cops aren’t going to make a big move to arrest them all, because like I said, no one really cares about Iolani palace.  I’m guessing they’re just gonna wait them out.

To be honest with you, I never got the whole Hawaiian government thing.  I mean, maybe I’m wrong, but didn’t they lose?  Didn’t the queen just give up the islands to the US?

I don’t mean to be trite, but how can the Hawaiians claim that their land was taken?  It was given away!

And another thing.  In Hawaiiana class I swear I read like 50 stories about King Kamehameha going around the islands and throwing guys off cliffs.  I mean, how would Kamehameha feel if all of a sudden the tribes that he threw off a cliff came back and started bitching about how he stole their land?  He would kill them again.  And again.  And again.

What am I missing here?

I mean, when will Hawaiians realize that they lost?  When the fifth Walmart is built on the islands?

And we all know what happens when Hawaiians get what they want.  Does anyone remember Bishop Estate?  While the Hawaiian Kingdom Government was planning their next demonstration the Bishop Estate Board was being paid $700k each.  I’m sure the board wasn’t on the north shore living in pickups with Hawaiian flags flying upside down.

I mean really, shouldn’t Hawaiians be talking to Bishop Estate?  They have all the land.  And it all goes towards Kamehameha school.  And have you seen that place?  They really spare no expense…fucking koa everywhere.  And they don’t pay shit for tuition.  How can you ever call Punahou kids spoiled?

In any case, I love these Hawaiian uprisings because they are entertaining.  Like Beauty and the Geek.  This one looked good and got lots of press, but ultimately we know how it will end.  A bunch of Hawaiians being rolled off to HPD.

Hawaiian Kingdom Government, it’s time to give it up.  You’re not gonna get your land back.  Ever.  In fact, your biggest mistake was not getting casinos.  One look at how these native americans are living over here and you’ll know what I mean.  I’d focus on that, you’re technically native americans.  Give up the sovereignty thing and take a page from the Indian’s playbook…just cash in.