This will be a four series about my job hunting tips and suggestions.

Part One. - The plan

As the other Japadamus authors know quite well I’ve had a difficult career. Although I’ve made good amounts of money and have worked for some of the best known(in my world) firms. I’ve also been laid off three times in the past and had the unfortunate experience of having no family “connections” in which to leverage off. My job hunting efforts were strictly my own. In doing a lot of applying through trial and error I have learned the art of job hunting intimately. I now am pretty comfortable in applying and do quite well. I am happy to report I accepted an excellent job last Friday after being unemployed a little under 3 months. Hopefully these tips help you along the way.

Have a plan-
A. Know what type of job you are looking for. I find it helpful to know in plain English how to describe your dream job. This will serve several purposes first, it will allow you to focus your search on job sites. You’ll be able to quickly search for key words that relate to your dream job. Second, it will help you describe what you are looking for to recruiters, friends, family and prospective employers. I have found that this is very important employers want to see that you understand the profession enough to identify what you want to do and it shows that you aren’t someone merely applying to anything in hopes of landing something. In my mind every employer wants to believe that they are offering the opportunity for someone to have the perfect job. No matter how terrible the job really is they want someone to say they are excited about the prospect of joining XYZ company and want THAT specific job. Nothing else. In my experience employers look unfavorably on candidates that admit they are using something as a “stepping stone” or “foot in the door opportunity.”
B. Do extensive research. Who are the main players in your industry? Those are probably the easiest to identify. Look at their corporate job sites, read the descriptions and get an idea of what are the day to day functions of people in that position. After doing this for the top 3 companies you should have a good sense of what the job is all about. Write all your research down. Keep organizied, use a spreadsheet or word document to create a list of what you are learning about each firm. This will come in handy when you get to the second part of the search, right now just use this database to start collection information on potential targets. Start looking for derivatives, by that i mean who are the second and third tier players in that industry? In most cases the founders of the second and third tier firms usually have worked in the first tier places and have later decided to branch off into a specialty. This is good for you since those will be the firms that allow you to get a lot of responsibility and experience quickly without a ton of big firm bullshit. After all, the founders left big firm life for a reason. I would now begin to start Googling, the names of the firms that you have identified. Look for articles and about them and read, read, read. This part is also very important. You need to know what is going on in your industry corporate wise. Are firms laying a lot of people off? Did XZY firm just hire a group from another firm? All this is important because it identifies opportunities. Expansion and contraction are normal parts of business and it doing so, it shakes employees loose from the slots that you are trying to get in. Make notes in your database of firms hiring or firing in areas you are interested in joining. In addition, look at professional networking sites like Linked in to get a sense of how people in your dream job have found their way into the business.

Part 2 tomorrow! - The Application

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I’m going to open the floor up for discussion.  As most of you already know I work for what can be described as an abusive boss.  This is someone that screams and yells all day to the point of creating a demoralizing work environment.  I’ve wrestled with the thought of moving on to greener pastures or sticking out the situation and seeing where it leads.  So at this point, I’ve felt I’ve seen the best and the worst of my boss’s many moods.  Now I’m determining what other opportunities may be out there that offer a better risk/return profile than my current position. 

I recently walked on an interesting book at Barnes and noble.  The title of the book is called “The Dip” The author Seth Godin essentially creates a guide to determine if bad situations are merely short term dips during a long up-trend or indeed dead-end situations called “cul-de-sacs.”  I think the premise of the book is interesting since we’ve all been in situations where we thought that everything is going bad but going to turn around.  Sometimes it does and other times it just gets worse.

What are your impressions of psycho bosses, is it just a stick it out type of situation?   Have you ever been in a similar situation?

I’m going to dedicate the next few postings to the fine art of quitting.  If you’ve worked for a few years, you’ve experienced quitting a job at least once in your life.  I personally have only one quitting story, but I’m thinking collectively the contributors to this blog probably have some interesting stories to tell.  Here’s a story someone told me this weekend.

A friend of mine just quit a public accounting job last week.  He had joined an associate program that was supposed to last two years. After one year, He walked into his bosses office and declared that he was leaving the company.  The boss blew up and stated “You know this is a two year program, If I ever hear of you doing this to anyone else, I will crush you.  You will never work in this industry again!” 

He replied “I barely worked for you all year and I took what little you taught me and leveraged it to a better position at a better firm”

His boss goes “Bullshit”

Then he replied “I have the offer letters sitting in my cube right now”

The boss was floored and said “You don’t want to work anywhere else, all those other guys fucking suck”

He stared at his boss and walked out.

Got a story to share?

After moving to a city that openly embraces smoking I’ve begun to get more negative on the subject.  People can be found smoking in every bar and many restaurants in Chicago and its bad.  Whereas in California, people are social smokers outside of bars or in special rooms at clubs or just something that happens once in awhile between friends.  I’m not retarded I know smoking is bad and seeing it all over the place really makes me feel sorry for people who are addicted to something that could kill them.  If tobacco wasn’t such a large part of the founding of America we would have banned it a long time ago.  It really has no redeeming quality to offer society.

Also what’s the deal with so many chemicals in cigarette smoke?  I know just burning anything produces a lot of chemicals regardless of what your burning, but cigarettes reportedly have what, 4000 chemicals?  What the fuck is up with that ? Are they spraying the plants with all that shit or is it just the composition of the leaf?

Here’s a question for the Japadamus loyalists, what would you do for a living if you didn’t need to earn a living?  Would it be to run a restaurant?  Have a retail store?  Make art?  I’ve been thinking a lot about this question and I think it would be fun to own a restaurant or attempt to become a real writer.  Just something simple to pass the time while sharing some of myself with others.  So fellow readers what would you do?

Allow me to stand on my soapbox for a second.  One thing that particularly upsets me when shopping at grocery stores or drugstores are the use of customer loyalty cards.  I’m so fucking sick of being asked if I have my Safeway/albertsons/CVS card in hand when I’m shopping.  What is the purpose of this other than to lock you into shopping only at one store.  If you want to do me a favor, just keep your prices low all the time and save me the charade of raising prices then lowering them when I present your particular card.  I know I’m not really saving $5 on that box of Triscuits (don’t even get me started on how fucking weird is the name Triscuit, its the combination of  biscuit and what? Tris?  what the fuck is that!) I know that Albertson’s isn’t charging $7 for a box.

Seriously! who has the time to collect these fucking cards and carry them 24/7 just on the off chance of stopping somewhere to purchase something.  Should I keep them in an baseball card holders and file them in three ring binders?  Don’t even get me started on the follow up question when I explain I don’t have the card on me.   “What’s your phone number?”  Like its that simple, Hmm.  Let me think, which number did I sign-up the card under?  Could it be the home phone number for one of the 8 different places I’ve lived at in the past 8 years, or maybe the number for my cell phone, or work blackberry, or work phone number, or grand central number, or one of the two burner numbers I’ve used when my cell phone wasn’t working.  Hold on, let me just manually try each of these 14 numbers (if I can remember them) just to get 1.50 off that laundry detergent.

Cut the bullshit already.

 I just finished my second week at my new firm.  How was it?  Well, things are definitely getting more interesting.  I think the first week my boss was on his best behavior, now the lunatic is starting to emerge.  He screams all day for people to get him information about this or that and he asks me to do things I’ve never done before (and he knows that) then yells and patronizes me when they are done incorrectly.  Pretty awesome.  What do I make of the whole situation?  I don’t know yet.  Its definitely not a pleasant situation and I do have some other options to pursue if I didn’t want to continue with this position.  I do think it makes sense to give the job some time to settle.  I’m sure that there will be an adjustment phase and maybe the constant abuse becomes second nature, like riding a bike. I can always hope for Stockholm Syndrome.

For those that know me personally know that I just made a large move to a new destination.  I always thought that I would be someone that could easily hope from one city to the next without any remorse. After completing this hop, I feel uneasy.  Granted I still don’t know anyone and haven’t ventured further than a 5 block radius, I’m still left asking myself,  What have I done? and Why did I choose to do this?

For the first question I guess only time will tell.  For the second question to put it plainly, I did it to hopefully advance my career.  I guess we shall see on both those accounts.

New York Times is reporting today that the former director of Chinese Food and Drug regulation has been sentenced to death following a series of scandals as a result of substandard drugs being sold abroad.  In light of the recent pet food scandals it appears that industry in China is left to manufacture and sell products without any oversight.  This poses a big problem globally as China emerges as a world power.  In most cases it seems that a Chinese drug maker added a dangerous chemical to some product either to cut costs.  The United States really should step in and begin testing these imports from China to issue safety before allowing these products on the market.  I’m currently worried that purchasing a food or drug product in China might kill me down the road unless someone steps in to ensure its safety.   Maybe this is a great idea for a private business?

The Nene goose is a darling of the Hawaii media, any time something happens Nene related, The Starbulletin is there to cover it.  Check out the results for this search, 181 mentions of Nene on Starbulletin.com?  Give me a break, who cares about these birds.  The just strut around Hawaii, telling people what to do.  I’m writing a letter to the editor in support of a blackout on all Nene related news, its too much.

The thing about political movements is that most of the time they really let anyone in.  Ghandi could have joined the NRA, MLK could have became a republican, and so on.

This has become a problem for leftist environmentalists, it seems, because now every tree-hugging idiot around is opening their mouth and trying to help.  This is no so bad with college know it all hippies, who spend their saturdays on street corners protesting the Iraq war and brewing coffee with solar energy.  However, it is a problem for idiot celebrities who have no idea what they’re talking about, but try to jump on the chic environmentalist bandwagon.

Case in point, Sheryl Crow.

I’ve heard waaaay too much about Sheryl Crow this past weekend in general.  First, there was the spat between Crow, her friend Laurie David, and Karl Rove.  And I’m no Rove fan, but I must admit, it’s classless for these two girls to pick a fight with Rove during dinner.  How would Crow like it if I walked up to her in a restaurant and told her to try writing an album with her head removed from her ass, or to tell her boyfriend to lay off the ‘roids.

But what came next was more disappointing than anything.

As you may know, Crow and David are touring the U.S. to raise awareness for environmental problems.  Like most useless hippies, Crow thinks she can solve the problems of global warming herself.  She is afterall, a musician with a degree from the University of Missouri.

Said Crow, “Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating…I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting.”

And this is where environmentalists around the world hang their heads, their cause once again made laughable by ignorant, publicity hungry ‘artists.’

Really, if this global warming thing is happening, I would like someone to do something quickly - it takes at least 30 days for flood insurance to kick in.  And it’s not helping with idiots like Crow and her theories for saving the planet getting headlines making all environmentalists seem like ignorant, big mouthed celebrities.

And the thing is, there is no centralized management of the environmentalist movement - at least none that will take Crow aside and tell her to shut the fuck up.  I mean, ok, Cameron Diaz driving a hybrid - that’s hot.  But someone needs to shut up these idiot celebrities before they totally counter any progress made within the last decade.  If drug dealers can silence witnesses, can’t the well-funded environmentalist moment get someone to shut of Crow?  Please?

I’m not a big myspacer by any means.  I have no friends actually.

However, I’ve been getting friend requests in the last month constantly.  Not from real friends, but from random hot girls that want to be my friends.  Kind of like how when you first sit down in a strip club, every girl wants to talk to you.

Not only that, but I’ve been getting tons of random messages from people too.

Like this message from Steeeeeeeve:

“i usually hate spammers but they sent me this free ringtone site and it actually works. the ringtons are sick! check it out
http://www.RingSpace.net
lemme know if u like it “

Seems annoying, right?  well Steeeeeve sent me this same message 8 times.  That is annoying.

Myspace needs to start doing something about this crap.  I don’t even use my profile actively and it’s annoying as fuck.  It must be ten times as bad for people that actually use this piece of shit website.

That is all.

By. JakGrabit

Race has been in the news a lot lately. As a transplant to Hawaii, I recently discovered something: apparently, I have a race. Not that I didn’t have one before, it’s just that it never mattered so very, very much.

In response to a comment in which I mentioned that on the mainland all Orientals are the same, Mr. Attack commented that I sound a little disgruntled.

My response:

No, I’m not really disgruntled. However, I have recently decided that (and entirely in the name of intellectual righteousness, not because I’m actually offended) as long as I am referred to as “haole,” I get to use the term “oriental.”

S o “oriental” is the conglomerate term for all people of Asian descent, disregarding the importance of actual ethnicity and personal experience, while being mildly offensive at the same time. It’s a useful term to convey what I believe to be the general perception of all people of Asian decent on the mainland. I am certainly not saying it’s accurate; it’s mainly a tool to explain how ignorant crackers THINK ABOUT Asian people.

The beautifully ironic part, though, is that it’s directly analogous to the term “haole” in Hawaii. I get lumped in with all the douche-bag blonde Punahou alums with the prince valiant/surfer haircut and BMWs purchased by trust interest made from the blood, sweat, and land of Native Hawaiians 150 years ago. My ancestors never oppressed any natives (here)! So, there’s only one stereotype for all white people. Just like there’s pretty much only one stereotype for all Asians on the mainland. It’s a useful tool to understand how ignorant “locals” THINK ABOUT all Caucasians.

It’s not a matter of being disgruntled; it’s a matter of intellectual hypocrisy. I’m compelled to fight this by causing trouble and being a loudmouthed asshat about it. Stir the pot up a bit. I am compelled to do this because I am a haole.

Hawaii culture seems to place an enormous value on living up to your ethnic stereotype. I figure it’s time for me to step up to the plate.

As SushiAttack eloquently mentioned yesterday, our site has been besieged with ads for feeding kids in africa.  Look, I can’t speak for anyone else here.  But I don’t care.  Get it?  Don’t care.  Show me the spiritual healing ads for SF instead - I care more, albeit marginally, about those.  Not clear?  How about this:

Before you hippies start forming a protest, let’s make something clear.

1.  We all know there are african kids dying every second of the day.

2.  We all know that the resources that we have could save these kid’s lives.

3.  I just bought a pair of $100 bluetooth headphones because I couldn’t deal with a 2mm cord, TJFKAK got a pair of super expensive earrings for xmas not to mention gifting a roomba (thanks!), and SushiAttack poops out enough dollars worth of sushi to support an african village.

In short, you have the wrong site.

Let’s be honest here - we all pretend to care about starving african kids, but let’s be real, we don’t do anything.  Oh…wait…you give 30 cents per day to save a life - how munificent of you.  If you really care about the lives of these kids, why not sell all your possessions, buy a bunch of aids vaccine, and move to africa.

Sure, some people act like they care, or say they care, but face it, most of our munificent acts are actually out of guilt - we don’t like to see starving pictures of african kids (we all knew there were starving african kids before we saw these pictures), therefore by being charitable we are just making ourselves feel better.  It’s selfish.  So, i say, cut out the middleman and buy myself a steak.

 ahhhh, that’s better.

So what have we learned today?  Those of you who pretend to care about every human life, then walk around with coach purses (god forbid Louis Vuitton - why not just buy an African nation?), you are a hypocrite.  You don’t care about these kids dying, and if you do give, it’s because you saw a sad picture of a tsunami victim or a fat bellied african kid that made you feel sad, so, just like you eat a tub of ice cream and go shopping a Neimans after a breakup, you engaged in a selfish act to make yourself feel better.

You really care about every single human life - more than a purse, a wallet, or other possessions?  Then you’re not reading this, because you’re in a hut in africa.

And lets face the realities of these ‘adopt a kid’ programs too.  They are a poorly designed pyramid scam that cannot possibly help to sustain what is a regional absence of wealth, infrastructure, medical attention…need I go on?  They make you feel bad, and like the bleeding heart hippies you are, you sign up, then they take 30 cents off of every dollar for administration fees (i.e. you’re paying some American to eat the steak pictured above) and distribute the rest among too many kids to do any good.

Oh, wait, you got a letter from your child?  How precious!  So, you’re telling me that with your 70 cents per day, they were able to teach these African kids with no education at - let alone nutrition -  all how to read and write ENGLISH?!  It takes 5 years to do this in the United States with our TRILLION DOLLAR education system, but with your 70 cents they can teach these kids to write in perfect english in less than a month?

WAKE THE FUCK UP.

You are paying for Americans in African to get a bunch of african kids to sit around and copy charters on a piece of paper.  Do you think they have any idea what they’re writing?  They probably have them copy an ‘e’ backwards so it looks cute.  Why not pay an old folks home to knit you some sweaters too, while you’re at it.

Now, if you do care about these kids, good for you.  If you actually happen to be working in Africa to develop some semblance of a modern infrastructure that can provide these kids with running water, dispose of sewage, deliver food and medicine in a timely manner, then yes, you are part of the solution, not the problem.

For the rest of you, lets cut the crap, ok?  Even if you do donate to ’save a starving african’ you are just paying to sustain these kids for a little while, until they are no longer young and cute, after which the lack of any economic structure or education kicks in and these kids die just like all the rest.

And Google, cut out these f’ing ads.

I bought a bunch of bedding this weekend.  I used to have my down comforter just bare, which you’re apparently not supposed to do, even though it’s machine washable and I keep it pretty clean.  Plus, my ex bought full sheets for a queen mattress, and the sheets are so tight it makes my bed like a trampoline.

In any case, buying bedding is the most confusing, frustrating and expensive activity I’ve done in a long time - and for no good reason, either.

Let me start at the beginning.  What do you really need for your bed?  Something to cover the mattress, a comforter, maybe an extra sheet, pillows and pillowcases.  Easy enough, right?

No.  That would be too easy.

Today’s beds now have a couple types of pillows, a bunch of different sheets, comforters, comforter covers, all of which are bizarrely sized, and are offered in a bunch of different bedding departments or in the most confusing ‘bed in a bag.’

Let’s start with terminology first:  it’s too complex. 

Why can’t we just stick with small, medium, large, extra large?  Why do we have all these random names?  Why is a full bigger than a twin?  WTF is a ‘california king’?  It’s ridiculous.

Does ‘full’ indicate anything about the mattress size at all?  It’s not like if you get a ‘twin’ they cut the mattress in half, right?

And why is a twin so small?  Two people can’t fit in a twin!  And that’s what twins are, right?  two people?  At the very least, keep it consistent:  only child = small, twin = for two people, triplets = three people, etc.

The terminology now has no rhyme or reason!  Why is the queen smaller than the king?  We all know women are waaaaay more picky about their beds, and if the queen had her way, she’d have the bigger bed.

And don’t even talk to me about the french stuff.

Duvet?

Why does any part of my bed need to be called something in a different language?  Can’t we just call it ‘thick sheet’?

And comforter - I mean, I know what that is, of course, but the name makes no sense.  It’s a thick sheet.  Just call it that.

I think if anything the mattress is the ‘comforter’ - it keeps you from sleeping on the ground, right?  Following that logic, the ‘comforter’ should be called the ‘warmer.’

Then you have the sham.  FYI, a sham is a pillowcover with a fancy name.  Why it’s not called a pillowcover, I have no idea.  It looks like a pillowcover, and it covers pillows…but it’s called a sham.  To make that more confusing, you actually have things called pillowcovers - so you walk around bed bath and beyond, thinking, OK, you have pillow covers here, you have comforters, etc., WTF is the sham for.

Threadcount.

This is probably the most B.S. thing I have ever heard of.  Ever.  More so than paying cute japanese girls in maid costumes to clean my ear.

No one, and I mean no one, can tell the difference between 250 threadcount and 300 threadcount when they’re sleeping.  You can take a piss in someone’s mouth while they’re sleeping, and maybe they’ll wake up.  People stop breathing for extended periods of time while they’re sleeping, and don’t wake up.  So don’t tell me I need to spend $70 more for a piece of cloth because it has more threads.

True, you do feel the threads when you’re awake, either trying to go to sleep, or when you’re waking up in the morning.  What is that, five, ten minutes max?

If I get married, and my wife EVER buys an 800 threadcount sheet for $100 she better die after I do, because if not, I’m going to bury her in a cardboard box just to make up the difference.

Speaking of price - these bedding collections or whatever are a complete and utter rip off.  $100 sheets?  These are still just big pieces of cloth, right?  Like, if i got 10 of my undershirts and sewed them together?

And duvet covers - $200?  $300?  Really?  These are basically two sheets sewed together - maybe with some gay flower pattern or something.  $300?  Can you plug into it with USB and upload songs?  Does a mechanical arm appear late and nite to give you a handjob before you fall asleep?  NO?

$20.

That’s how much a duvet cover should cost - and I bet it would if you stop f’ing calling it a duvet.

In any case, I’ve been checking out the Macy’s and BB&B sales and stuff, and their ’sales’ are still rip offs.

A lot of this is the designer angle.

Oh really, Calvin Klein’s ‘Sakura’ collection includes a $57 sheet and a $70 sham (it’s a pillowcover, remember).  Where is the value here?  Is it that Klein named his collection some japanese word so white people can think they’re more cultured?  Or is it that it’s brown (oh, i’m sorry, not brown, cinnamon).  Because that’s it.  Nothing else to see here.  What part of Klein’s design genius is apparent here?  It’s an f’ing COLORED PIECE OF CLOTH.

And we alllllll know who’s responsible here.  Yeeep, it’s you:

women.

Because I believe it’s readily apparent that ALL we’re dealing with here are pieces of cloth.  And I think all men know and understand this.

But women play exorbitant prices for pieces of cloth all the time - you know you do.

And you women like fancy little names for everything.  It’s not just almost long pants, it’s a capri.  It’s not a long shirt, it’s a tunic.  And WTF is a henley?

And because of this, my ass gets stuck paying $70 for a sham.

It’s actually smart, because these bedding designers know that if a couple is shopping, the woman will choose what bedding she wants, because the man won’t give an f, and the woman will fall for the 800 threadcount even though she really can’t feel the difference - but the man will have to foot the bill.  And the woman will bitch and bitch about threadcount and designer and blah blah blah until the man’s only choice is to start choking or buy the stuff - and the macy’s bedding department isn’t really the place for choking so the man is stuck buying.

And no one cares about single guys, because there’s not a lot of opportunity in the sub $20 bedding market except in college dorm rooms.

The amazing thing about women is that you can take something so mundane that’s really purely functional, then slap a designer name on it and increase the price a hundred fold.  That’s why you have $1000 purses and shoes and crap.

And really, I don’t care.  Women like to buy expensive things even though the price does not justify the function - fair - I understand.  They’ll brag about it too - like, oooh, this bag cost a thousand dollars, even though I could have got a bag that does essentially the same function from walmart for $10.  I got ripped for $990 because of some french guy’s name…look at me…look at me.

But I take exception where women’s irrationalities start costing me money.

Like I said, bedding is BS. 

Anyway, I ended up getting my stuff from Ikea.  It’s reasonable there, and they try to reduce the confusing terminology with pictures. 

But the whole process made me really mad.  It should not be like this - it’s 2007.  You know?  Human progress should make things less complex, easier to understand.  The bedding market is going backwards though - getting more complex for less value.

I’m going to start a real men’s store.  With cheap bedding, and dishes and tables and things.  And they sell real beds in a bag that are $20 and come one size fits all - you just adjust it like a trashbag with a drawstring.  And if you go there with your wife she gets tasered as she walks in the door and they put her in a holding cell like in ‘24′ until you’re done shopping.  And you can only be in there for 15 minutes at a time then you gotta leave.

Am I the only one who’s thought of this?